b. I’m also not local nor can I interject myself into your daily lives and observe…

We are however, creatures of habit and we do most things ‘natrually’ because “habit says we should”.

The problem though is that habits are neither good nor bad they just… “are”.

Your attention to your son’s behavior could be the principles of it’s making. If your son craves your attention and can’t get it “habit says” pee or poo “will”. He may be asscoiating a natural body function as the means to an end. (no different to a child that is held the moment they cry; so they merely cry so they will be held immediately).

That said:

I’m of the thinking that you can’t get help from the Internet “because of my first 2 comments”… “guessing what the specifics are isn’t great advice”… go to your family doctor and ask for a referral to someone to can dig into your lifestyle (…the habits of you and your spouse) and see if there are corrective actions for you.

I agree… most children are not “dummies”… for better or worse, they are highly adaptive to the changing situation.

My son started showing signs of being ready at age 2; we started trying to potty train him by sitting him on his little toilet right away. When we would sit him on the potty he would scream and scream. Suffice it to say we stopped, right away. We kept on trying to introduce him to the toilet, the bathroom, all of the facilities that you find inside that room but nothing ever helped. Anytime we would mention going potty he would scream bloody murder. Finally we got some really good advice; make it a party! So one night after he went to bed we hung streamers, made a potty chart, got some goodies to give him when he went successfully etc.. The next day he woke up and came out from his room and “surprise” it’s potty party day! That day, he went (#1) on the toilet.. We were more than satisfied with this result; even though he only went pee, it was a success. We kept the chart, he hung his own stickers when he did good, everything was going good, except no BM’s on the toilet yet!

We didn’t worry about it, although it was impossible to put underwear on because he would go (#2) in them and not care, at all (use your imagination as to what kinds of messes we would end up cleaning). We kept him in training pants, and kept trying to encourage him to poop on the toilet. He almost never had a “wetting” accident, almost from the first night he would stay dry all night, every night; but when it came to bowel movements, he never even tried. It has been over a year since he successfully started peeing on the toilet,; he still has not had a bowel movement on the toilet. We have boughten him a new toilet, put a padded seat on our toilet, done everything, and nothing.

He we are, March of 2009 and our son who was born Sept. 2004 has started peeing in his diaper again. Our son for the last year, when approached to try and poop on the toilet would say things such as, “I am mad at you for telling me what to do with my own body” and, “it’s okay for me to poop in my diaper because mommy and daddy can clean me up.” Our son is no dummy, he is quick witted, intelligent, and frighteningly manipulative (as most 4 year old boys can be). He chooses not to go #2 on the toilet, for whatever reason, and now we have a 2nd child on the way and he has started peeing in his pants again! We are so lost, and afraid, we don’t want him to be held back because of this. No preschool will take him, and pre-preschool daycare is much to expensive. He is at that point in his childhood where he is going to remember this time, and possibly be affected because of it for a long time. He has a hard time making friends because he eventually starts to smell.. What can we possibly do?

You should seek professional guidance from a child therapist; but in the meantime:

1. Be a loving and caring parent to your child no matter what.
2. Any “adult conversations and interactions with your spouse” should not be done in front of the child or even in the same building for that matter (small ears are very sensitive). Get a baby-sitter and conduct your marital business/issues ‘elsewhere’.
3. Allow “dad” to be dad to his daughter; avoid all confrontations that might seem to undermine that continued relation. If you need to leave the house to allow this - you should.
4. Lastly, get out of thinking “somethings wrong and so there must be fault”… that line of thinking doesn’t help “you” and if it doesn’t help you - it harms you; and that poisons the environment around you such that those closest to you get confused… and “her confusion” is actually quite apparent in the hitting, bitting, and slapping.

I cannot stress enough; seek professional guidance.