In the first moments, your new little one seems more like an alien than a bundle of joy, but after a bath for baby and a few deep breaths for the new parents, your little angel looks their part. Their little red face is all scrunched up, and the sounds that voice from their puckered little mouth are the most precious notes you could ever hope for. You ache any time the nurses take them for tests, and you deny offers from well meaning friends and family who offer to hold them while you get some sleep. All you want to do is be with your new baby, and you'll forego food, water and sleep to do just that! Temper Tantrum; the Terrible Two’s
So you have reached the terrible two’s stage in your child’s development. You may be wondering where your sweet little girl went as she kicks and screams in fits of anger on the floor at the toy store. Children throw tantrums as a way to express anger and frustration, and you can’t really get mad at them because they don’t know how to properly deal with these normal feelings and its your job to teach them. It is important that you learn to communicate clearly with your baby and then most of the tantrums will disappear.
An important thing to remember when your child is throwing a tantrum is to never punish them. By punishing them you are making the tantrum worse at the moment and will prolong the behavior in the future. Also do not give into the child’s demands, if you do you are teaching them that they can use tantrums as a manipulation tool and that habit will be a hard one to break.
It may be easy to let the disapproval of onlookers to affect the way you handle the tantrum but don’t let this happen, your child need consistency and you don’t need to change your method to fit others opinions.
During the tantrum you should stay calm and try to distract them. You should calmly continue with whatever you are doing - chatting to someone else, packing your shopping or whatever. Every so often check to make sure your child is safe. Ignoring your child is very hard, but if you don’t you are giving them the attention they are demanding. Tantrums are not fun unless you have an audience so create a tantrum room.
Anytime your child has a tantrum make sure to take them to a specific room probably their own and tell them they are not allowed to come out until they are finished with the tantrum. If they do come out and are still having the tantrum, calmly take them back into the room and tell them again. After a while your child will start to understand that they are not getting the attention by screaming and yelling and they should calm down and come out.
After the tantrum pay attention to good behavior and as you see them starting to calm down, praise them. Then have a talk with them, it is important to help your child understand his or her feelings and how to deal with them. Don’t get into why your child was frustrated but focus on the tantrum itself and let them know that type of behavior is not appropriate. Teach your child words to say instead of screaming. Let them know you know they were angry and next time say “I am angry” instead of throwing the tantrum. Make sure your child understands by repeating yourself and asking them what they are going to do next time they feel angry.
Throwing tantrums are just a part of growing up, it is important to stay calm and remember that your child is still the sweet little baby you had before but she is just learning to deal with her emotions and she needs you to help her find words to express herself instead of throwing tantrums. Your child will find that positive attention is much better than negative attention unless the tantrum is the best way to get it.
I have a 1 and 2 year old. My 2 year old has been acting out really bad. I don’t know what to do anymore. Plz can somebody give me some advice. I’m going through a Divorce and they just don’t understand. I think she thinks its my fault but really its his fault and of course i don’t tell the kids that. She(2) is hitting, bitting, and slapping me. WHAT DO I DO.
Comment by MOTHER IN NEED — November 18, 2008 @ 7:25 am
Whether related to your divorce and the likely emotional drama between you and your spouse or not — young children often pick up on intense emotions and feelings in the household. Without having the ability to rationalize they “act out them out” and that may be what you are seeing.
You should seek professional guidance from a child therapist; but in the meantime:
1. Be a loving and caring parent to your child no matter what.
2. Any “adult conversations and interactions with your spouse” should not be done in front of the child or even in the same building for that matter (small ears are very sensitive). Get a baby-sitter and conduct your marital business/issues ‘elsewhere’.
3. Allow “dad” to be dad to his daughter; avoid all confrontations that might seem to undermine that continued relation. If you need to leave the house to allow this - you should.
4. Lastly, get out of thinking “somethings wrong and so there must be fault”… that line of thinking doesn’t help “you” and if it doesn’t help you - it harms you; and that poisons the environment around you such that those closest to you get confused… and “her confusion” is actually quite apparent in the hitting, bitting, and slapping.
I cannot stress enough; seek professional guidance.
Comment by admin — November 18, 2008 @ 8:01 am